Doogie Howser End Of Episode Blog

I swear when I saw this I wanted to watch Doogie Howser.....I might do that if I have time. The theme is just icing on the cake Doing these blogs kinda makes me feel like it.
This might be a bad segue, but I'm not someone who has my life scheduled out. It makes me feel constrained and I have no control over situations. Maybe I need order to get on the right path of what I've been doing wrong all this time. There's a point A and a Point C, but nothing ever to get past A. I've always found a way to push myself away from goals. The last couple years I've come into my own with all the experiences. Whether it be vacations, excessive clubbing, and heartbreak. I've always found ways of deterring myself from my goals and really NOW I'm starting to take care of me.

To start off,I'm signing up for a gym tomorrow and finally going to get lose that 30-40 pounds I gained after high school. I lost weight for the wrong reasons back in the day *COUGH*girls*COUGH*. I would go to the gym 7 days and week just thinking about having a girlfriend or how i would help me find love. It didn't make it any easier being a wheel all the time either When I got my heartbroken I was done caring about myself. I always felt I did something wrong, when in reality I did nothing wrong, but now that I'm older I just want to get in shape and feel good about myself. I think I put on the weight to protect myself from getting hurt by someone that I may generally like. I put in my head "she'd never want to go out with me...look at me" but forget all that I'm a totally different person now. Looking forward and not dwelling on the past, however, the past makes me more aware and cautious.

I'm tired of hearing all these people telling me, "stay single! you're better off...nothing, but trouble." But when i see them they are all in love and happy. Sure couples fight, but it's better than keeping it all in, however, there are healthier ways to discuss things. People STILL tell me stay single!?! I have never been in love or had ever had anything close to a "relationship". When people tell me stay single, but I want to experience it for myself. That's like saying in your life you want to go to Paris and See the Eiffel Tower. You see pictures how beautiful it is. You tell people you want to go, and they tell you "oh it's was awful. It was foggy most of the time and rained a lot." But I want to experience Paris. Maybe it's as good as I think it is or everybody was right. That's for me to decide


This isn't a Pity Party Blog....just sharing my feelings by writing them helps. They are kinda all over the place. I haven't really talked about this with anyone, so maybe more of mind will be exposed.